you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
