i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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