I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
