she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
