i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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