You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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