The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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