Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
