the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
