Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
