i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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