i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
