I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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