my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
