Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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