so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
