whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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