I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
