i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
