Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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