Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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