i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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