can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
