Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
