He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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