My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
