Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
