she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
