She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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