Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
