She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
