are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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