please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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