dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The best revenge is premature balding
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
