It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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