OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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