based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
