i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
