at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
