oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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