i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
