Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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