just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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