I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
