Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
