I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
