I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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