I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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