i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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