I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
