I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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