From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
