We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
