Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i love accidental penises.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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