1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
