Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
