She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
