Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
my poor anus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
