just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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