Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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