Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
