I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
