You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
