I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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